How can we communicate effectively without words?

Empowerment Coach Jeanine Bailey

Effectively communicating our message, or understanding others is not just about the words spoken, it’s also communicating with or understanding non verbal language. Research shows other ways of exchanging ideas without saying words is very powerful in face to face communication. This means, when we speak, it’s important to match our words with our non verbal language, such as our voice tone and body language. It’s equally important to understand non verbal clues when others are communicating to us, to determine meanings behind spoken words.

For example, if I asked a colleague how they were feeling and they replied they were ‘good’, but it was said in a flat tone of voice (like ‘I’m good’) and their shoulders are hunched, the ends of their mouth turned down and their eyes downcast, I potentially wouldn’t believe they were feeling good. I would want to ask questions to understand why the words they used didn’t match their body language.

Extensive research into what contributes to effective face to face communication has indicated the following:

• our words only contribute seven percent towards conveying our message to others.

• the quality and tone of our voice contributes around 38 percent to the effectiveness of our communication

• our body language, including facial expressions, accounts for 55 percent of what is perceived by others.

In other words, the verbal language we use accounts for very little of our total communication. This means to be truly effective, and potentially a powerful communicator, our non verbal language must match our words.

Imagine hearing a tone of voice that is short, snappy and loud. It can say a lot about a person’s frame of mind. Potentially they are in a hurry, impatient or angry. Imagine a facial expression, which can say so much in a second. Visualize the message someone wants to convey by raising an eyebrow, or winking with a smile.

Marcel Marceau, famous for playing a mime clown, and Charlie Chaplin, star of the silent screen in the beginning of the 20th century, both mastered using body language as the sole way to convey their story to their audiences. They didn’t have to speak a single word to communicate with their viewers, yet they attracted millions of fans from all over the world to their shows. As one critic said of Marcel Marceau; “He accomplishes in less than two minutes what most novelists cannot do in volumes.” That is an example of the huge power of body language.

So when you are communicating with people, be aware of how you deliver messages with your tone and body. When listening to others, observe their movements, including facial expressions and gestures as well voice changes in tone, strength, volume and timbre. Recognize what works well and model it in your communication.

Remember, you have the power to change the results you are getting in your life. It’s up to you to take ownership of your thoughts and actions to achieve your desired results.

What is effective Communication

Effective communication is not just about speaking, it’s also about being able to listen to your audience.  It takes place when there is a mutual understanding between parties and happens when those involved have an ability to influence with the aim of creating successful outcomes or agreement amongst parties. 

The good news is; successful communication is a skill which can be learned by anyone who is willing to appreciate its foundations.  By embracing effective communication skills, we have the ability to comprehend others as well as be understood, which assists in building relationships.  This can lead to the ability to persuade others to see our point of view or understand our message.  Other benefits of effective communication include the ability to convey what we do and why, development of our career, ability to achieve our goals, and the list goes on.

If we think about successful people we know, what is the one denominator they all have in common?  Successful world leaders, managers, colleagues, singers, community leaders, to name a few examples, are strong communicators who connect and influence others.  They reach out to their audience and convey a message that demonstrates their understanding and appeals to their followers.  Based on this platform, successful people can speak with power and influence, with the ability to persuade others to follow their lead.

For example, it is known Barack Obama was able to win Presidency of the United States by communicating and making a strong connection with voters across every level.  He was able to gain strong support by:

• Understanding the key issues for the American people.
• Demonstrating he was aware of the issues and would tackle them as President.
• Establishing strong values and integrity throughout the campaign by sticking to the key issues.  For example, he didn’t get pulled into tactics played by the opposition and rarely referred to race throughout the campaign.
• Utilizing different communication channels that appealed to many voters such as Facebook.

Consequently, people were able to vote for Barack Obama with confidence, resulting in a convincing win.

As Stephen Covey, renowned, international leadership expert said, ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood.’ Barack Obama is a great example of how effective communication is not just about talking, it’s also about listening to and understanding the audience’s needs and appealing to those needs.    

Remember, you have the power to change the results you are getting in your life. It’s up to you to take ownership of your thoughts and actions to achieve your desired results.

Turn problems into invaluable gifts of learning

Throughout life, we will always face problems, or what we can reframe as challenges. We will never stop facing problems or issues, but what we can do is change how we deal and manage them. Wouldn’t it be great consider problems as gifts? Rather than seeing them as negatively, we can view them as an opportunity to embrace them as a way to discover our hidden talents and resourcefulness. And as we grow and develop, acceptance that challenges will become bigger, but they will also become part of our comfort zone because it is expands as we develop ourselves.

Alan Cohen, author and key note speaker said, “It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.” In other words, if we step up and take on more responsibility, we will notice increasing problems or challenges popping into our lives. And as we keep growing and developing, these challenges become bigger and gradually become part of our comfort zone.

A successful business woman and entrepreneur once said, “The more you take on, the more effective you become and the more problems will be sent your way, because you are ready for them. This leads to even greater fulfilment and success.” Nelson Mandela is an example of someone who took on larger challenges the more he stepped out of his comfort zone in pursuit of achieving his dream. Not only has he influenced his own nation, but countries around the world, to create significant and powerful change for the benefit of many.

So every time you feel challenged and stretched, this is the time to get really motivated and excited about embracing the gift of problems in the form of a challenge, because it means you are learning more whenever you step up and meet them. This is the time to accept life’s challenges whole-heartedly to see the new possibilities available to you. And just when you believe you are on top of all your challenges, you can be sure more will come, because you are ready for further growth.

Embracing uncertainty outside of our comfort zone is the pathway to a successful and rewarding life. If we reframe problems to be seen as challenges, which are opportunities for our personal development, we give ourselves the ability to uncover our deeper character and resourcefulness. We also understand there are no limits on our future potential and growth.

Remember, you have the power to change the results you are getting in your life. It’s up to you to take ownership of your thoughts and actions to achieve your desired results.

There is no such thing as mistakes; only feedback as to what to do next

Embracing the unknown is where the opportunities for endless growth and development lie.  However, many of us find reasons to hold ourselves back from trying new ideas or thoughts due to fear of making mistakes.  By not giving ourselves permission to try something new, and potentially making an error, we lose the opportunity to understand both positive and negative learning, vital for achieving our ultimate goals. 

If an outcome from doing something new is negative, it’s realising it’s about accepting feedback, which turns into an opportunity to learn and grow.  Kevin Blanchard, author of One Minute Manager and management expert says, ‘Feedback is the breakfast of champions.’  Even the most successful people like Bill Gates and Richard Branson have made what might be seen as mistakes, but they also view them as invaluable feedback.  They learn what to avoid, what not to do, and narrow down the possibilities to use next time.  Or they discover brilliant new opportunities in the process.

Thomas Edison failed over 10,000 times before creating the light bulb.  He saw what others would call failed attempts as more than 10,000 possibilities of refining and narrowing his search for a solution.  Christopher Columbus failed on his mission to navigate his way to India, but instead, he discovered America.  Successful people know taking educated risks and embracing the unknown will possibly not get the results they wanted, but in the act of doing so, they will potentially grow and prosper.

In fact, experts say there is no such thing as failure only feedback.  Imagine reframing what was perceived as a mistake to; ‘there is only learning and growth from positive and negative feedback, which puts us on the ultimate path to success.’  So when you perceive you’ve failed at something, consider the following:

• Recognize you might make errors when trying new possibilities carried out with the best intention.
• Acceptance of responsibility for making mistakes makes learning possible.
• You can’t change mistakes, but you can respond by assessing what worked, what didn’t and how you could approach it differently next time.
• Growth occurs when you see opportunity for improvement and take action to create change for the better

Theodore Roosevelt, former US president said that it’s not the critic that counts, who points out another’s failings.  He says credit belongs to the person who puts in the effort, who may fail over and over again, but all their devotion and energy goes towards a worthy cause with great enthusiasm.  And if they fail, they do it while they are daring to be courageous and can never be in the ‘camp of the timid’ who neither know victory or defeat.  By taking action in the areas of the unknown and learning from our mistakes, we gain knowledge and potentially become aware of new opportunities.

Remember, you have the power to change the results you are getting in your life. It’s all up to you to take ownership of your thoughts and actions to achieve your desired results.

Who do you need to be to face uncertainty?

Being caught in our comfort zone can potentially prevent us from being the best we can possibly be and discovering our true potential. It’s by stretching our borders of comfort that enables us to open up new opportunities available to us so we can experience a truly fulfilling life. However, sometimes we get into unconscious habits and forget how to motivate and challenge ourselves to experience new learning.

So how can we help ourselves to break old patterns of behaviour and face challenging new experiences, knowing they are important to our personal growth? And importantly, who do we need to be, to create greater awareness and learning opportunities? Being courageous, flexible, curious and resourceful are some of the character traits of those willing to embrace new experiences and knowledge, which we can all adopt if we make a decision to do so.

Some of the beliefs these individuals generally demonstrate, which we can try on for ourselves, are as follows:

– Courage can only show up through new actions, knowing fear is there, but so is courage, and when we act in a time of fear, we also feel courage.

– Fear is normal and waiting for fear to disappear is waiting for the impossible. It will only disappear if we embrace it repeatedly so it becomes ‘normal’.

– It’s worth taking risks and making mistakes, knowing we’ve done our best to improve our options.

– We can change old ways of thinking and strategies that haven’t got successful results in the past by identifying how we can you do things differently next time.

– Solving problems is the key by coming up with solutions, instead of focusing on the problem itself.

– We can stretch our way of thinking to seek new opportunities outside of what we know.

These are some of the key beliefs we can hold ourselves to create personal growth and promote self development. It’s about ‘scuffing our knees’, like the very first time we learnt how to walk or ride a bike. We first feel fear when we do something outside of what we know, until it becomes a habit and one that opens up our world of choices.

As Chet Atkins, influential guitarist and record producer once said, “Everything I’ve ever done was out of fear of being mediocre.” Chet was recognised for his style of guitar playing and produced records for artists such as Elvis Presley. He clearly wanted global success and went out of his comfort zone to open up the wonderful possibilities that became available to him.

Remember, you have the power to change the results you are getting in your life. It’s up to you to take ownership of your thoughts and actions to achieve your desired results.